Spring Is Coming...

I’ve never in my life experienced a colder winter season than what I’m walking through right now. It’s a bit ironic because the winter season in my heart is much colder than the winter season we’re experiencing here in Texas right now. In fact, the crazy Texas weather seems very similar to the ups and downs my heart and emotions are going through on a day to day and even moment by moment basis. One day, it’s sunny and warm in the 70’s. The next, it’s freezing cold (probably not actually freezing, but it feels that way to this native Texan 😊). Other days start out cold, then warm up when the sun comes out for a bit, before darkness falls, bringing the frigid cold with it. I feel like I’ve experienced all of these variations and then some over the past few weeks. It’s hard to believe that tomorrow marks the one month anniversary since Ellie ran ahead of us to her heavenly home. What was supposed to be a joyous time celebrating a new life in our family has turned into the harshest winter I’ve ever known before I could even blink. 

I’ve written over and over how God has and continues to carry us through these dark days. I believe it is because of His faithfulness and His goodness that I do get to experience those sunny moments in the midst of this winter season of the heart. Throughout my life, especially over the past few weeks, God has orchestrated specific moments, events, “winks,” to show me that I’m on His mind and that He cares.

One of those moments came last week when Matthew and I attended a concert with some friends for my birthday. I knew as soon as I heard about the concert a few days before that I needed to go. These days, the idea of getting dressed up to go be around tons of people is really not all that appealing. But I knew this was different. God had something for me there. So I told Matthew I wanted to go, and we made the arrangements. After we had our tickets, I found out that there was going to be an additional performer at the show, one I was not expecting and who was not on the list of artists scheduled to perform. In fact, she hasn’t even toured in several years. This particular artist was my very favorite singer growing up. In many ways, she was my role model and example of how to live a godly life from a young age, the first “God wink” of the night. 

As we sat enjoying the performance, she came out on stage to join the other artists singing Christmas carols. When the song was over, she pulled up a stool and began to tell a story about her life and how her family had been going through a “winter season” recently. For her, that season meant having two miscarriages in the last year. She described how God had been so near and so faithful even through the pain and the lack of understanding why. I honestly can’t tell you the words that came after that. All I know is that God was speaking directly from her mouth to my heart. Suddenly, it didn’t matter that there were thousands of other people in the arena. I knew that this was why He had impressed upon me to be here. He had a message for me, and He specifically chose someone who He knew would be meaningful to deliver it. He could have chosen anyone to deliver the message, but He chose her just to show me how much He cares. Because He knew how much it would mean to me. Another "wink."

His message was this: 

Spring is coming.

After she delivered that message, she got teary eyed as she stood, placed her hand on her belly and showed everyone that God is faithful and brings Spring and new life in His time, explaining that she is now 17 weeks pregnant with their rainbow baby. 

Much in the way the seasons change, God is using this season of winter in my heart to create new life. He didn’t cause the circumstances that led to this season, but because He is faithful to His word, He will heal what is broken, redeem what is lost and work all things together for good, despite the cold, the tears and the pain. While things may still seem cold and dead in the middle of winter, He has given me this hope: Spring is coming soon. I’m not sure what “Spring” will look like just yet, but I trust that it will be even more abundant and beautiful than anything I could imagine. So on those darkest and coldest of days, I will cling to His promise. Spring is coming….It’s just about here. 

Spring Is Coming - Steven Curtis Chapman

(This is the song God brought to mind as He spoke those words to my heart. This song was written by another favorite artist of mine shortly after he lost his 5 year old daughter in a tragic accident. The video I linked is a beautiful live performance that shows the raw emotions of one who has experienced this winter firsthand.)

We planted the seed while the tears of our grief soaked the ground
The sky lost its sun, and the world lost its green to lifeless brown
Now the chilling wind has turned the earth hard as stone
And silently seed rise beneath ice and snow

And my heart's heavy now
But I'm not letting go of this hope I have that tells me

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
It won't be long now, it's just about here

Hear the birds start to sing
Feel the life in the breeze
Watch the ice melt away
The kids are coming out to play

Feel the sun on your skin
Growing strong and warm again
Watch the ground: there's something moving
Something is breaking through
New life is breaking through

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And it won't be long now, it's just about here

Spring is coming, Spring is coming
(Out of these ashes, beauty will rise)
And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
(Sorrow will be turned to joy)
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
(All we hoped for soon will appear)
It won't be long now, it's just about here
(Out of the dark clouds, beauty will shine)
(All above in heaven, rejoice)
(Spring is coming soon)
(Spring is coming soon)