Gracefully Broken: The Legacy of Ellie Love

Losing a child certainly makes you look at things differently. At least it has in my case. Honestly, I think any loss of a loved one is something that makes us think about how much we take for granted, how much we complain about everything, even our blessings. I read something recently that was posted by a dear friend of mine. It said, "When people ask if the glass is half full or half empty, my only response is that I'm thankful I have a cup." Talk about perspective.  Truthfully, I have that thought frequently these days. Losing Ellie has made me realize how much we truly have to be thankful for. Sometimes it's hard for me to be scrolling through Facebook and see so much negativity everywhere. No one is happy, nothing is going right, everybody wishes something about their life was different. I get it. It's SO easy to complain when things don't go our way. I'm completely guilty of that. Often.  One such example is that my nearly two year old Car

I haven't written anything for a few days now. That's partly because I haven't felt like I had anything to write. It's also partly because I've been having a hard time deciding exactly what or how much I want to share. I want to be as honest and as real about this journey of grief as I can possibly be. But with that said, I also feel that I need to protect my heart. Sometimes there are things that I know God has given me to share. Sometimes there are things that I know are just for me. And sometimes I'm not sure. There are some aspects of this journey and what's on my heart that I feel are just too personal to share. And that's ok. What I'm about to say is one of those things, but I'm sharing it now because I feel like I'm supposed to. So here's me being obedient. And vulnerable. Really vulnerable.  I've heard it said before that grief is like an onion. You just have to keep peeling back layers. I am definitely finding that to

We’re having a snow day here in East Texas. Since we’re not used to snow and ice in this area, basically the whole city shuts down as a result. So we’re being cooped up in the house because roads are slick and there’s really nowhere to go anyway. I don’t do very well being cooped up in the house these days. Some days I feel like staying home anyway, but I really hate not having the option to get out or have someone over. I tend to feel more depressed on days like today. Sure, the snow is beautiful outside. But it’s so cold. And I don’t really feel like going out to play in it. I struggle thinking that Ellie should be here to see the snow, but she’s not. This is the first time we’ve had snow on the ground since Timothy was about 3 months old, so it’s the first time for all of my kids to see snow. Except Ellie. Because she’s not here. Not that she would remember it even if she was here, but regardless, the lack of her presence here with us is really suffocating at times. 

I have just experienced a whirlwind of a weekend. It has been both thrilling and heartbreaking. There is SO much I want to write right now. God has done AMAZING things this weekend. Yesterday marked 2 months since Ellie passed from my arms into the arms of our Savior. God is ever-faithful and has orchestrated some of the most wonderful events and connections for me these past few days. Some were anticipated blessings. Some were surprises! I can’t wait to share more about what all has happened. Right now, I am seriously on OVERLOAD. Like so much good, so much pain, so much emotion, so very exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I honestly don’t even know how or where to start unpacking it all.  God’s presence has been so near these past few days. I’m not even kidding when I say BLESSING OVERLOAD. But it has also been EMOTION OVERLOAD. I still find it very hard most of the time to talk about how I’m feeling. It’s like as soon as I start thinking about what I want to say,