Gracefully Broken: The Legacy of Ellie Love

Sometimes I like to write about things as I'm working through them in order to share my journey. Other times, I prefer to wrestle through something and then write about it once God has given me some perspective on it. I don't have a lot of words today. What is weighing heavily on my heart is something I'm not ready to share about yet because I am still in the thick of it. But I know that I have many praying friends who read what I write and pray for me, so I decided to go ahead and post today. Friends, I covet your prayers. All I will say for now is that post partum anxiety and depression are very real, even in pregnancies that do not go to term or result in healthy children. When a miscarriage cuts the body short of its natural process of pregnancy, things tend to go haywire. It's ugly. It feels crushing at times. I am battling these monsters as my body and hormones continue the roller coaster of short circuiting and trying to return to normal. To those of you who

Ok so I know that I usually start by sharing what's on my heart and ending with a song. But today I want to shake things up. I want to share this song first (and a couple more in a minute). This is a new one for me, not one that was on my birthing playlist where so many songs I've written about have come from. But I have no doubt that God was saving this one for exactly when I needed it.  Miracles - Hawk Nelson When you're at the end of the road And it's not the one that you would have chosen When you're at the end of your rope And you're holding on, but feel like you're falling With every option exhausted You've tried everything you know You saw a light then you lost it But there is still hope Like the fire in the night Like the ocean parted wide Like the grave, empty inside You will see He still does Miracles, miracles, miracles, miracles Even if you don't see it now Without a doubt, He's alre

This is just hard. I feel like my entire life needs a big fat "trigger warning," slapped across the top. Losing one baby was gut-wrenching. Losing a second just a few short (yet forever-long) months later is just brutal. I'm generally a pretty positive, glass half full kinda gal. I usually have a lot of what I like to call "bounce-back-ability." You know, that way of dealing with something hard or unpleasant by temporarily compartmentalizing. For example, when I know I have this thing coming up that I really need to be present for, enjoy, etc. I can think to myself, "I'm going to set this bad thing aside for right now and just not think about it for a little while. It'll still be there later after this is over. I'm going to close the painful box and open another box so I can enjoy and be present, then come back to the painful box again as soon as I can." In other words, I know this hurts, but I am determined to make the most of this si

Today we celebrated the life of our precious Elizabeth "Lizzie" Grace Kropchuk. Most people didn't know Lizzie existed yet. Actually, I've been anxiously waiting for this Sunday, Mother's Day, to arrive because it seemed like the perfect time to share the wonderful news that Ellie has been promoted to BIG SISTER! I've said before that oftentimes I have one thing in mind that I'd like to share and then God takes things in a completely different direction. This week has been no exception. This is a REALLY important post, so I hope you'll keep reading... As I said, I had originally planned to share this post on Sunday, Mother's Day. I anticipated that Mother's Day would be bittersweet this year, exciting to anticipate new life and adding to our family but also grieving that Sunday will be 6 months since Ellie went to heaven. Even just the thought of sharing our joyous news was enough to take a little bit of the sting away. At my church, the