Ok so I know that I usually start by sharing what's on my heart and ending with a song. But today I want to shake things up. I want to share this song first (and a couple more in a minute). This is a new one for me, not one that was on my birthing playlist where so many songs I've written about have come from. But I have no doubt that God was saving this one for exactly when I needed it.
Miracles - Hawk Nelson
When you're at the end of the road
And it's not the one that you would have chosen
When you're at the end of your rope
And you're holding on, but feel like you're falling
With every option exhausted
You've tried everything you know
You saw a light then you lost it
But there is still hope
Like the fire in the night
Like the ocean parted wide
Like the grave, empty inside
You will see He still does
Miracles, miracles, miracles, miracles
Even if you don't see it now
Without a doubt, He's already moving
There is not a pain that you hold
He doesn't know, and He isn't using
With every option exhausted
You've tried everything you know
So reach for something beyond it
'Cause He is our hope
Like the fire in the night
Like the ocean parted wide
Like the grave, empty inside
You will see He still does
Miracles, miracles, miracles, miracles
Miracles, miracles, miracles, miracles
A broken heart can be restored
A broken soul can be reborn
And greater things are still in store
For us, for us
Like the fire in the night
Like the ocean parted wide
Like the grave empty inside
You will see He still does
Miracles, miracles
Miracles, miracles
Miracles, miracles
(He still does, He still does)
Miracles, miracles
Miracles, miracles
(More than you can dare to dream)
Miracles, miracles
(More than you have ever seen)
Miracles, miracles
(There's still more, there's still more)
Miracles, miracles
(Miracles)
I tried to write this post a week ago. But it would have looked very different then. Even though a big part of me wanted to post what I had written then, I just felt like God wasn't finished with me on this topic yet. So I set it aside and haven't picked it back up until today. I'm not even kidding - I even had a different song chosen. But I'm glad that He continues to lead and let me know when to speak and when to wait on Him.
It has been a rough couple of weeks since we lost Lizzie. Actually, this time two weeks ago, we were headed in to urgent care to check on baby. Gosh, in a way, it kind of seems like a lifetime ago. Grief is exhausting. It's unlike any other type of exhaustion. It affects you mentally, physically and emotionally, even when you don't realize that it is. And especially when you DO realize it is. It's often described as a roller coaster. That is so true - these past two weeks have been filled with ups and downs, mostly downs, if I'm being honest. And let me just tell you, the enemy has been at work! Like I said in my post the other day, I have no idea what God's up to right now. The same could be said for the enemy at the moment. The Bible tells us he's out to steal, kill and destroy. So I guess I sort of have an idea. For whatever reason, he seems to be fixated on breaking me. The past couple of weeks have brought blow after blow. Just when I think, "Ok seriously I can't handle another thing," something else comes flying at me.
And I'm not just talking about inconveniences or minor disruptions. I'm talking about devastating, below the belt, specifically targeted blows designed to rock me to my core and break me. I have never been this broken in my whole life. But God has promised that he makes beauty from ashes, so I will trust that He will put me back together and make all of this beautiful in His way, in His time. Last week, when I was having a moment of literally begging God to remove some of the burden from my mind and was trying to figure out how to deal with some of the attacks of the enemy, the song I shared recently in another post began to play through my car speakers. If you missed it, you can listen here. As I listened, in my spirit, I heard the following clear as day: "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."
Of course after I got where I was going, I had to take a minute to look it up because I didn't remember where this passage was found or what the context was. Turns out, it's in Exodus. In the book of Exodus, Moses has just delivered God's people from hundreds of years of slavery and oppression in Egypt. When they got out into the desert, they found themselves trapped between the Red Sea and the Egyptian army coming to capture them and return them to slavery. Instead of me describing what happens, I'd like to share directly from God's word what happened next:
Exodus 14:10-29
As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord. They said to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!”Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground. I will harden the hearts of the Egyptians so that they will go in after them. And I will gain glory through Pharaoh and all his army, through his chariots and his horsemen. The Egyptians will know that I am the Lord when I gain glory through Pharaoh, his chariots and his horsemen.”
Then the angel of God, who had been traveling in front of Israel’s army, withdrew and went behind them. The pillar of cloud also moved from in front and stood behind them, coming between the armies of Egypt and Israel. Throughout the night the cloud brought darkness to the one side and light to the other side; so neither went near the other all night long.
Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left.
The Egyptians pursued them, and all Pharaoh’s horses and chariots and horsemen followed them into the sea. During the last watch of the night the Lord looked down from the pillar of fire and cloud at the Egyptian army and threw it into confusion. He jammed the wheels of their chariots so that they had difficulty driving. And the Egyptians said, “Let’s get away from the Israelites! The Lord is fighting for them against Egypt.”
Then the Lord said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand over the sea so that the waters may flow back over the Egyptians and their chariots and horsemen.” Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and at daybreak the sea went back to its place. The Egyptians were fleeing toward it, and the Lord swept them into the sea. The water flowed back and covered the chariots and horsemen—the entire army of Pharaoh that had followed the Israelites into the sea. Not one of them survived.
But the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left. That day the Lord saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians lying dead on the shore. And when the Israelites saw the mighty hand of the Lord displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the Lord and put their trust in him and in Moses his servant.
You see, God had already delivered His people from their captivity. Yet all of a sudden, they feared that it was all for nothing and that they would die in the wilderness or be re-captured. Despite everything God had done for them already, they all-too-quickly lost their focus and their trust that God had promised to deliver them to safety. Ouch. What happened to the Israelites was not a surprise to God, just like what has happened to me and my family these past 6 months, including all of the enemy's recent attacks, is not a surprise to God. I've shared so often how He has carried us by His Grace all of these months. How could I so easily allow myself to be distracted in the face of difficulty?
I love how the song says, "Even if you don't see it now, without a doubt, He's already moving. There is not a pain that you hold that He doesn't know and He isn't using." Without a doubt, He is moving. I don't always see it, but I'm thankful that He chooses to show me little glimpses here and there. I think a lot of times we get distracted by our modern world and forget that the stories in the Bible aren't just stories. They are truth. They are people who lived and who God used to bring Himself glory, imperfect and broken as they were. It's easy to forget in this modern day and age that God is still a God of miracles. He parted the sea for His people when they had no way of escape. Why do I so quickly forget that He can do the same thing for me? When I am at the end of me, absolute rock bottom (I've been pretty close these past couple of weeks), He is still God. And He still does miracles. I'm thankful that He's in the business of restoring broken hearts.
So back to the verse. There was no doubt what God had said. My next question was, "What does that mean? Be still. Ok, but what does that look like right now in this situation, in my life?" That might seem odd because, "be still," seems pretty straightforward. Even so, I asked God to show me what He wanted that stillness to look like for me. And He has. So far, it's only been in bite-sized pieces because that's probably all I can handle. But little by little, He is guiding me to step away from things that were once important, even vital, to me, in favor of spending more time with Him. As I was pondering that verse, I started thinking about the story of Gideon.
Gideon has always been one of my favorites. If you're not familiar with the story, I'll give you a little summary. Many years had passed from when God delivered the Israelites from Egypt and brought them to the Promised Land, yet they had begun to follow other gods and had turned away from Him. As a result, they were overtaken, completely oppressed, and their land was utterly destroyed by invaders. Enter Gideon. He was literally the lowest of the low, the most unlikely person for God to choose for the important task of saving His people. It has always struck me that the very beginning of God's conversation with Gideon begins by saying, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." I always picture Gideon turning around to look behind him to see who God is talking to because then he says, "Who, me??" (I guess nobody was standing behind him. 😄 Then He has a little conversation with God. You can read the whole story in Judges 6-7, but basically, Gideon immediately starts to question God. He says, "If God is with us, why are all these bad things happening? Why has God abandoned us?" God sort of side-steps the question and says that He is sending Gideon to save His people. But Gideon continues to argue and tell God all the reasons why he's probably not the best choice (funny, that actually seems to be a theme throughout scripture). Yet God keeps insisting, rather patiently, that He will be with Gideon and will deliver the enemy into his hands.
Fast forward because Gideon apparently needed A LOT of convincing. (Anybody else ever feel that way? No? Just me? Ok...) So Gideon goes out and gathers an army. That makes sense, right? He's been told to defeat this huge army of invaders, so he should put together his own army, right? Nope. God had other plans. He began giving specific instructions that results in Gideon's army being reduced from 32,000 to 300 men. Seriously. 300 men that are supposed to defeat this huge invading army. Pretty much impossible. Oh, and they didn't even have weapons. They had trumpets and jars. (I promise I'm really not kidding.) When the time came, God told Gideon to lead his men and surround the enemy's camp. Then they broke their jars and blew their trumpets while the enemies turned their swords on each other. They literally killed themselves right before Gideon's eyes, and he basically never even lifted a finger. In fact, all he did, even if it was rather reluctantly at first, was obey. God did the rest.
So here I am. Pretty much nothing makes sense in my life right now. Nothing except God. No matter how I feel, the truth is still the truth, He is still on the throne, and He still does miracles. I have never been more thankful for that. The Bible is full of stories of how He saved His people in miraculous ways, all for His own glory.
In the words of one of my favorite authors, Elizabeth Elliot, a woman who knew great sorrow and loss herself, "Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God's story never ends with 'ashes.'" Amen!
Ok last song....(I promise! 😉)
Psalm 40
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
Blessed is the one
who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
Many, Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
but my ears you have opened —
burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.
So back to the verse. There was no doubt what God had said. My next question was, "What does that mean? Be still. Ok, but what does that look like right now in this situation, in my life?" That might seem odd because, "be still," seems pretty straightforward. Even so, I asked God to show me what He wanted that stillness to look like for me. And He has. So far, it's only been in bite-sized pieces because that's probably all I can handle. But little by little, He is guiding me to step away from things that were once important, even vital, to me, in favor of spending more time with Him. As I was pondering that verse, I started thinking about the story of Gideon.
Gideon has always been one of my favorites. If you're not familiar with the story, I'll give you a little summary. Many years had passed from when God delivered the Israelites from Egypt and brought them to the Promised Land, yet they had begun to follow other gods and had turned away from Him. As a result, they were overtaken, completely oppressed, and their land was utterly destroyed by invaders. Enter Gideon. He was literally the lowest of the low, the most unlikely person for God to choose for the important task of saving His people. It has always struck me that the very beginning of God's conversation with Gideon begins by saying, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." I always picture Gideon turning around to look behind him to see who God is talking to because then he says, "Who, me??" (I guess nobody was standing behind him. 😄 Then He has a little conversation with God. You can read the whole story in Judges 6-7, but basically, Gideon immediately starts to question God. He says, "If God is with us, why are all these bad things happening? Why has God abandoned us?" God sort of side-steps the question and says that He is sending Gideon to save His people. But Gideon continues to argue and tell God all the reasons why he's probably not the best choice (funny, that actually seems to be a theme throughout scripture). Yet God keeps insisting, rather patiently, that He will be with Gideon and will deliver the enemy into his hands.
Fast forward because Gideon apparently needed A LOT of convincing. (Anybody else ever feel that way? No? Just me? Ok...) So Gideon goes out and gathers an army. That makes sense, right? He's been told to defeat this huge army of invaders, so he should put together his own army, right? Nope. God had other plans. He began giving specific instructions that results in Gideon's army being reduced from 32,000 to 300 men. Seriously. 300 men that are supposed to defeat this huge invading army. Pretty much impossible. Oh, and they didn't even have weapons. They had trumpets and jars. (I promise I'm really not kidding.) When the time came, God told Gideon to lead his men and surround the enemy's camp. Then they broke their jars and blew their trumpets while the enemies turned their swords on each other. They literally killed themselves right before Gideon's eyes, and he basically never even lifted a finger. In fact, all he did, even if it was rather reluctantly at first, was obey. God did the rest.
So here I am. Pretty much nothing makes sense in my life right now. Nothing except God. No matter how I feel, the truth is still the truth, He is still on the throne, and He still does miracles. I have never been more thankful for that. The Bible is full of stories of how He saved His people in miraculous ways, all for His own glory.
Hallelujah You are Good - Steven Curtis Chapman and Matt Maher
We are standing in between
Hope and despair
Believing in Your grace
And the faith to declare
You are with us
Hallelujah
Hallelujah, You are good
In the ashes and the dust
The sorrow and pain
Lies the promise of Your Word
And the power of Your Name
You are with us
Hallelujah
Hallelujah, You are good
And when faith give way to fear
I will trust Your heart, I will trust Your heart
When I cannot feel You near
I will trust Your heart, I will trust Your heart
There's a message being written
With the morning sun
And a new song for the broken
Death is lost, love is won
You are with us
Hallelujah
Hallelujah, You are good
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, You are good
Hallelujah (I have tasted)
Hallelujah (I have seen it)
Hallelujah, You are good
Hallelujah (I remember)
Hallelujah (I believe it)
Hallelujah, You are good
You are with us
Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah, You are good
In the words of one of my favorite authors, Elizabeth Elliot, a woman who knew great sorrow and loss herself, "Of one thing I am perfectly sure: God's story never ends with 'ashes.'" Amen!
Ok last song....(I promise! 😉)
Your Love Defends Me - Matt Maher
You are my joy, You are my song
You are the well, the One I'm drawing from
You are my refuge, my whole life long
Where else would I go?
Surely my God is the strength of my soul
Your love defends me, Your love defends me
And when I feel like I'm all alone
Your love defends me, Your love defends me
Day after day, night after night
I will remember, You're with me in this fight
Although the battle, it rages on
The war already won
I know the war is already won
Surely my God is the strength of my soul
Your love defends me, Your love defends me
And when I feel like I'm all alone
Your love defends me, Your love defends me
We sing Hallelujah
You're my portion
My salvation
Hallelujah
Psalm 40
I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him.
Blessed is the one
who trusts in the Lord,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
Many, Lord my God,
are the wonders you have done,
the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
they would be too many to declare.
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
but my ears you have opened —
burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.
I desire to do your will, my God;
your law is within my heart.”
I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips, Lord,
as you know.
I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
from the great assembly.
Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased to save me, Lord;
come quickly, Lord, to help me.
May all who want to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
be appalled at their own shame.
your law is within my heart.”
I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips, Lord,
as you know.
I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
from the great assembly.
Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
Be pleased to save me, Lord;
come quickly, Lord, to help me.
May all who want to take my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.
May those who say to me, “Aha! Aha!”
be appalled at their own shame.
But may all who seek you
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
“The Lord is great!”
But as for me, I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay.
rejoice and be glad in you;
may those who long for your saving help always say,
“The Lord is great!”
But as for me, I am poor and needy;
may the Lord think of me.
You are my help and my deliverer;
you are my God, do not delay.
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