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Abide With Me


Sometimes I like to write about things as I'm working through them in order to share my journey. Other times, I prefer to wrestle through something and then write about it once God has given me some perspective on it. I don't have a lot of words today. What is weighing heavily on my heart is something I'm not ready to share about yet because I am still in the thick of it. But I know that I have many praying friends who read what I write and pray for me, so I decided to go ahead and post today.

 Friends, I covet your prayers. All I will say for now is that post partum anxiety and depression are very real, even in pregnancies that do not go to term or result in healthy children. When a miscarriage cuts the body short of its natural process of pregnancy, things tend to go haywire. It's ugly. It feels crushing at times. I am battling these monsters as my body and hormones continue the roller coaster of short circuiting and trying to return to normal. To those of you who tend to worry lots or who may think that my writing is an unhealthy expression of grief and that I need to "get help," never fear! I have a fantastic support team, and I am getting help from my doctor, counselor and loving family and friends. I am not alone. I have everything I need to fight this battle, and the victory is already mine in Him.

 One of the only things that anchors me when I'm really struggling is sitting down next to my essential oils diffuser (or just with a bottle in my hand when I'm in a pinch) and breathing deeply, putting my ear buds in and listening to Truth. My head knows it; my heart knows it, but it's sometimes really hard to see anything past the blinding sandstorm of anxiety and depression. In those moments, it's hard to go to God because I can't even form words, mentally or otherwise. So I just listen to the worship music and let it echo in my mind to keep me connected to Him when it feels like I'm literally about to fall apart. Today, as I was doing just that, this song came on. That is my prayer. Even when it feels like I can literally do nothing else, may I abide with Him and He with me. I may fall, but He never lets go. 💗


Abide With Me - Matt Maher
I have a home, eternal home

But for now I walk this broken world
You walked it first, You know our pain
But You show hope can rise again up from the grave

Abide with me, abide with me
Don’t let me fall, and don’t let go
Walk with me and never leave
Ever close, God abide with me

There in the night, Gethsemane
Before the cross, before the nails
Overwhelmed, alone You prayed
You met us in our suffering and bore our shame

Abide with me, abide with me
Don’t let me fall, and don’t let go
Walk with me and never leave
Ever close, God abide with me

Oh love that will not ever let me go
Love that will not ever let me go
You never let me go
Love that will not ever let me go
Oh You never let us go

And up ahead, eternity
We’ll weep no more, we’ll sing for joy, abide with me



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