Gracefully Broken: The Legacy of Ellie Love

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. This is a day I didn't even realize was a thing prior to this year. With so many "awareness" days and months for various things throughout the year, it's hard to keep it all straight at times. There are a lot of different posts floating around out there, and honestly I didn't even plan to write a blog post today. But God has put something on my heart that I am compelled to share. First of all, why do we even have an "awareness day" for something as tragic as pregnancy and infant loss? It's still a taboo topic in most of society, yet one in four women will experience a pregnancy or infant loss in their lifetime. One in four. I'd be willing to bet there are not just a few but many women in your life that have experienced this type of loss and yet you aren't even aware. I know there are in mine. I've talked to so many women, friends, who've experienced this type of loss and...

Today I'm tired. Actually, most days I'm tired. The best visual of grief I've seen in a long time is the sculpture called "The Weight of Grief." Grieving a great loss is like walking around with a load of invisible rocks inside. You can feel them, and they are oh-so-heavy. But no one else really sees them. Oftentimes, people move at what seems like break-neck speeds all around me while I'm sitting here just trying to keep breathing and keep acting "normal." It takes a lot of energy most days to act normal. I don't talk about it a lot because I don't want to sound "whiney." It's not something to complain about, it's just something that is. I get frustrated with myself for even saying this because I know it totally sounds like a cop out, but I truly am doing the very best that I can.  I've been doing a lot of emotional work to try and relieve some of that emotional weight, but it's a slow process. If you intera...

I've been stewing on this one for over a week now. I thought several times along the way that it was time to sit down and write but then God said, "Nope." I'm always amazed at how He lets me know when it's time. When I think it's time and He says to wait, it never fails that there's something else He has to show me before it's time to write. This time was no exception. In my last post, I said I wanted to write a series of posts to try and shed some light on things that are helpful and not-so-helpful to do and say around your grieving friends. I'd like to continue that today with a biggie. Please, please, please, for the love of Pete (or anyone else you love 😉), do not say, "I totally understand," to anyone you know who is grieving, especially the loss of a child. Just don't do it. I don't care how much you think something you may have experienced in your life might be similar to losing a child. If you haven't lost a child,...

I don't have a lot to say today. I've had so many things on my heart over the past week, but I'm having a hard time figuring out where to even start or how to break it up so I'm not writing a novel instead of a blog post. 😂 So I'm going to keep it short and sweet today. July is National Bereaved Parents Month. All month long, I've been wanting to highlight different issues that bereaved parents face, but like I said, I couldn't figure out how to start, and now here we are on July 27th. I have no idea where the month has gone, so I decided to just jump write in and share what's on my heart, hoping it will make some sense.  I know one of the most common questions or problems for people who have never lost a child is not knowing what to do or say to a grieving friend. People want to help, but they just don't know what to say. Sometimes they even end up saying nothing because they are so afraid of saying the wrong thing. This can lead to hurt and e...

Whew! It's been a ROUGH 2 weeks. Whoever said that there are stages of grief that everyone goes through in a linear fashion is a big fat liar. I think this picture is far more accurate portrayal of what grief is actually like (at least for me): These past 2 weeks have brought several big milestones. July 3rd was Ellie's 8 month birthday. July 4th was another "first" in a year of holidays spent without our girl. It was also the first major holiday since we lost Lizzie. I should be posting pictures of my 3 babies and growing baby bump dressed in red, white and blue like everyone else on social media. But instead, I felt like I was dying inside thinking about all the "should be's." July 5th was 2 months since Lizzie was born far too soon. Then finally, yesterday was 8 months since Ellie went to heaven. I feel like I can breathe again. For a couple of weeks, anyway, until the next wave of milestones hit. Not every month knocks the wind out of me qui...