Today marks one month since Ellie went to be with Jesus. All throughout this process I’ve really tried to just let myself feel whatever I feel, whenever I feel it. Sometimes I feel like crying. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m just tired. Like somehow all of the emotions end up in a giant ball that feels like a ton of bricks that I’m carrying around. It’s definitely not intentional because I do try to give those emotions to God as they happen. But sometimes there’s nothing particularly “definable” in terms of how I’m feeling or even what exactly I’m feeling. Today is one of those days. I went to see my doctor today. For anyone who’s ever had a baby, this is the visit where you’re supposed to bring your baby so that the doctor and all the staff and “ooh” and “ahh” about how precious your new little life is. Having to go without my new little life was simply exhausting. I made a memory book on Shutterfly for my family, so I decided to take that because I wanted them all t...
A blog about my personal journey grieving the loss of my infant daughter, Eleanor "Ellie" Love and subsequent pregnancy losses.