Gracefully Broken: The Legacy of Ellie Love

I have just experienced a whirlwind of a weekend. It has been both thrilling and heartbreaking. There is SO much I want to write right now. God has done AMAZING things this weekend. Yesterday marked 2 months since Ellie passed from my arms into the arms of our Savior. God is ever-faithful and has orchestrated some of the most wonderful events and connections for me these past few days. Some were anticipated blessings. Some were surprises! I can’t wait to share more about what all has happened. Right now, I am seriously on OVERLOAD. Like so much good, so much pain, so much emotion, so very exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I honestly don’t even know how or where to start unpacking it all.  God’s presence has been so near these past few days. I’m not even kidding when I say BLESSING OVERLOAD. But it has also been EMOTION OVERLOAD. I still find it very hard most of the time to talk about how I’m feeling. It’s like as soon as I start thinking about what I want to ...

Today marks one month since Ellie went to be with Jesus. All throughout this process I’ve really tried to just let myself feel whatever I feel, whenever I feel it. Sometimes I feel like crying. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I’m just tired. Like somehow all of the emotions end up in a giant ball that feels like a ton of bricks that I’m carrying around. It’s definitely not intentional because I do try to give those emotions to God as they happen. But sometimes there’s nothing particularly “definable” in terms of how I’m feeling or even what exactly I’m feeling. Today is one of those days.  I went to see my doctor today. For anyone who’s ever had a baby, this is the visit where you’re supposed to bring your baby so that the doctor and all the staff and “ooh” and “ahh” about how precious your new little life is. Having to go without my new little life was simply exhausting. I made a memory book on Shutterfly for my family, so I decided to take that because I wanted them all t...