Gracefully Broken: The Legacy of Ellie Love

I haven't written anything for a few days now. That's partly because I haven't felt like I had anything to write. It's also partly because I've been having a hard time deciding exactly what or how much I want to share. I want to be as honest and as real about this journey of grief as I can possibly be. But with that said, I also feel that I need to protect my heart. Sometimes there are things that I know God has given me to share. Sometimes there are things that I know are just for me. And sometimes I'm not sure. There are some aspects of this journey and what's on my heart that I feel are just too personal to share. And that's ok. What I'm about to say is one of those things, but I'm sharing it now because I feel like I'm supposed to. So here's me being obedient. And vulnerable. Really vulnerable.  I've heard it said before that grief is like an onion. You just have to keep peeling back layers. I am definitely finding that to...

Today has been hard. I’m not really sure why. They say that grief comes in waves. I wouldn’t say I felt overwhelmed with grief today. I have just felt mad. Not mad at God. Not mad at anyone or anything in particular. I started my day with a headache, and it just seemed like everything was going wrong. The dogs had to stay inside and were driving me nuts getting in the way. The kids were taking toys from each other and acting crazy. And I was mad. Mad that I had to deal with the craziness. Mad that I wasn’t snuggling the sweet baby that should be in my arms right now. Mad that life is so topsy-turvy right now. Why can’t things just be the way they’re supposed to? Oh wait…they are. This is normal now. That’s weird. And stupid. As much as I love my two goofy toddlers who seem to always be competing for ways to make me laugh, I can’t get past the fact that there are supposed to be three of them. I have carried, delivered, held and loved three babies. But there are only two here. Tha...