One of the worst things about losing a child is the complete lack of control, a feeling of utter helplessness. Even though we did absolutely everything that could have possibly been done to save our Ellie girl that day, it wasn’t enough. Holding her and watching helplessly as she slipped away from us into eternity was the worst kind of pain I’ve ever experienced. Cherishing Ellie's final moments with us In life, we want to feel like we are in control of something. Anything. There are many things that we can control. God gives us the free will to make decisions about how to live our lives, and with that sometimes comes natural consequences of sin and poor choices. But there are some things that are completely out of our control. Like holding my precious baby and watching her slip away. Another area that has been particularly hard to swallow lately is the feeling of lacking control over my hormones. Anybody who has ever had a baby knows that hormones can make y...
A blog about my personal journey grieving the loss of my infant daughter, Eleanor "Ellie" Love and subsequent pregnancy losses.