Today has been hard. I’m not really sure why. They say that grief comes in waves. I wouldn’t say I felt overwhelmed with grief today. I have just felt mad. Not mad at God. Not mad at anyone or anything in particular. I started my day with a headache, and it just seemed like everything was going wrong. The dogs had to stay inside and were driving me nuts getting in the way. The kids were taking toys from each other and acting crazy. And I was mad. Mad that I had to deal with the craziness. Mad that I wasn’t snuggling the sweet baby that should be in my arms right now. Mad that life is so topsy-turvy right now. Why can’t things just be the way they’re supposed to? Oh wait…they are. This is normal now. That’s weird. And stupid. As much as I love my two goofy toddlers who seem to always be competing for ways to make me laugh, I can’t get past the fact that there are supposed to be three of them. I have carried, delivered, held and loved three babies. But there are only two here. Tha...
A blog about my personal journey grieving the loss of my infant daughter, Eleanor "Ellie" Love and subsequent pregnancy losses.