Beautiful Terrible Cross

Short post today. It has been one of the tough days. I don't think about it often, but today, thoughts about Ellie's last day have plagued me. Everything from the moment she stopped breathing in my arms to sitting in the conference room when the doctors told us there was nothing else they could do for her to the her final moments with us. It was an awful day. I came across this video the other night when I was up the whole night with insomnia. It's called, "The Gravity and Weight of Suffering."

So much of this resonates with me. I've had those moments of feeling overwhelmed to the point that I feel like I'm completely spent and nothing else is left. Jesus wept as He walked in the gravity of loss. Watching this, I'm reminded that Jesus understands the pain and sorrow. He experienced it himself. Jesus' soul felt overwhelmed to the point of death. He knew what was about to happen to Him, and He dreaded it.

I've said before that when I was putting together my birthing playlist to listen to as Ellie came into the world, I felt particularly drawn to songs about the cross and the suffering of Christ. At the time, I didn't really understand why. Now I do. I have such a greater appreciation for the cross now that part of me lives in heaven. This song was one of the songs in my birthing playlist, a beautiful picture of His sacrifice.

Beautiful Terrible Cross - Selah

There is a beautiful terrible cross

Where though You committed no sin

Savior You suffered the most wicked fate

On the cruelest creation of men

Yet on that beautiful terrible cross

You did what only You could

Turning that dark inspired evil of hell

Into our soul’s greatest good

We see the love that You showed us

We see the life that You lost

We bow in wonder and praise You

For the beautiful terrible cross

There on that beautiful terrible cross

Though darkness was strong on that hill

You remained sovereign, Lord, still in control

As Your perfect plan was fulfilled

We see the love that You showed us

We see the life that You lost

We bow in wonder and praise You

For the beautiful terrible cross

We gained the riches of heaven

Jesus You paid the horrible cost

We stand forgiven and praise You

For the beautiful terrible cross

For the beautiful terrible cross

In the cross, in the cross

Be my glory ever

Till my raptured soul shall find 

Rest beyond the river

On these hard days, It is comforting to know that Jesus has walked the path I'm walking. He knows. And He is here. And because of His sacrifice, I can have hope for tomorrow. 💗