My thoughts are all over the place today. As I sit down to write, I have no idea how to put together coherent sentences and transport them from my heart to the page. My heart is so very heavy. So many are hurting right now. Can anyone besides me relate to the feeling of being blown and tossed by the storms of life to the point that you can't even see straight or figure out which way to go? It's been a physically and emotionally draining past few days for me. I've been walking with a friend through an extremely difficult time. You know, when you're struggling, sometimes it's easy to block out everything going on in the world around you. But the truth is that others are struggling too. In fact, we may never know the pain hiding behind the smiles of the people we interact with, whether it's a lady at the grocery store or a friend who may be too afraid to share a painful struggle. I've learned that my courage to share what's on my heart has helped others to do the same. That blesses my heart more than words can express!
My constant prayer throughout the past several months since Ellie left her earthly home has been that God would somehow use this pain for His glory. I believe that one of the ways He has provided for that very purpose is to for me to write about what He's doing in my life. Sure, it's amazing for me to see how God is working in my life, how He is constantly teaching me new things and how to more fully depend upon Him for my every need. But His word also tells us to tell of His works and make them known among the people. For this reason, I am compelled to share. I've said this before, but He has been so good that I can't NOT share! Of course, there are some more personal things I don't share because they are only meant for me or for my family. Throughout many generations, history has been passed down via storytellers and writers who have been faithful to continue sharing the works of God among His people. King David said in 1 Chronicles:
Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name;
make known among the nations what he has done.
Sing to him, sing praise to him;
tell of all his wonderful acts.
Glory in his holy name;
let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.
Look to the Lord and his strength;
seek his face always.
Tell of all His wonderful acts! Glory in HIS holy name and let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. You see, someone can always benefit when we share our story. It is my hope that the things about my own personal journey that I share, whether here in this blog or in person, let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice and be amazed and everything He has done! I hope that the things I write inspire others to look to the Lord and His strength and to seek His face always. It's easy for us to tell ourselves that nobody understands what we're going through when things get bad. But let me just tell you that in talking with my friend over these past few days, even though our circumstances literally could not BE any more different (said in my very best Chandler Bing voice 😁). we relate to each other on so many different levels. We have both benefited from sharing our stories with each other about what God is doing in our lives and what He's teaching us through our difficult circumstances.
But here's the thing: in order to survive a major trauma and live to tell about it, we must be anchored. If you picture a ship sailing on the ocean, no matter how big or well built it might be, if the storm gets bad enough, if the wind gets strong enough, if the waves get high enough, it is subject to being completely wrecked, sinking or even just been tossed about until its passengers have completely lost their way. That is why I write. No matter how bad things may seem, I have an anchor. Like it says in Hebrews, "This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God's inner sanctuary." You see, regardless of what happens to me in this life, my soul is anchored in Jesus Christ. Without Him, I would be nothing. I can relate to Paul when he wrote to the Philippian church:
But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters,
I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Most days, the hope I have in Jesus and the knowledge that I will see my girls again in the blink of an eye is what keeps me going. Without knowing Him, the power of His resurrection and participating in His sufferings, I have no hope. So I press on. It's not always easy and sometimes I stumble, but I strive to forget what is behind me and keep pressing on toward the goal. So the things I write are really not about me at all. All glory be to He who rescues me and is the anchor of hope for my soul!
In the book of Mark, there's a story about man who was possessed by demons. When Jesus came across him, he cast them out and delivered the man. As Jesus was leaving town after this, the man followed him and wanted to go with him (I mean, who wouldn't?!). In Mark 5:19-20 it says, "Jesus did not let him, but said, “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.” So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed."
So this is me sharing yet another part of my story in hopes that it might bless someone. This weekend I found myself truly at a loss. I was struggling to know how to help my friend and with my own emotional frailty. God brought back to mind the song I ended my last post with, The Anchor Holds. Last night was one of those "I'm so exhausted but can't sleep" kind of nights. I found myself listening to that song on repeat, unable to even listen to anything else for hours. It's such a powerful message, even more so now after having heard the story behind the song. I posted that video in my last post, but if you missed it, you can check it out (and I highly recommend that you do!) here. In case you just want to catch the song and lyrics, I'll share that here as well. (It's been a few years since this song was released, hence the fabulous 90's hair going on in the video 😂)
I have journeyed through the long dark night
Out on the open sea, by faith alone
Sight unknown; and yet His eyes were watching me
The anchor holds
Though the ship is battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas
The anchor holds in spite of the storm
I've had visions, I've had dreams
I've even held them in my hand
But I never knew they would slip right through
Like they were only grains of sand
The anchor holds
Though the ship is battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas
The anchor holds in spite of the storm
I have been young but I'm older now
And there has been beauty these eyes have seen
But it was in the night, through the storms of my life
Oh, that's where God proved His love for me
The anchor holds
Though the ship's been battered
The anchor holds
Though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas
The anchor holds in spite of the storm
I have fallen on my knees as I face the raging seas
The anchor holds in spite of the storm
I love the poetic lyrics. As you listen, you can truly feel that it comes from a deep place of coexisting sorrow and faith. Though the storms of life may knock us to our knees, the anchor will still hold. And it truly is in the darkest of nights when God proves His love and makes Himself more real than any other time. So last night as I was unable to sleep and listening to this song, he brought two other songs to mind, in the order that I'm about to share them. The second one is one I've been planning for a while to share but wasn't really sure when or how. This is definitely not what I had envisioned, but I feel like it fits perfectly with what's on my heart today.
Though I'm pressed on every side
I still know I'm not abandoned
Though the ways of God aren't mine
I still know I'm not forsaken
Take all the breath in my lungs
You'll hear the rocks crying glory to God
Take everything that I've got
And you'll see two empty hands lifted up
You may silence me, but the cross forever speaks
Though I'm filled with questions "why?"
I still know I'm not abandoned
Though I suffer in this life
I still know I'm not forsaken
Take all the breath in my lungs
You'll hear the rocks crying glory to God
Take everything that I've got
And you'll see two empty hands lifted up
You may silence me, but the cross forever speaks
Forgiveness for my enemies
Mercy and grace, I am set free
The price of love is paid in full
His blood poured out, how beautiful!
Take all the breath in my lungs
And you'll hear the rocks crying glory to God
Take everything that I've got
And you'll see two empty hands lifted up
You may silence me
You may silence me
You may silence me
But the cross forever speaks
That song is on Matt Maher's Echoes album that I've mentioned before. When I first heard it, I wasn't sure what circumstances he had been through in life, but I could just tell - he "gets" it. So I did a little digging and came across a little blurb he had written about the album. In it, he shared that the album is a result of his own personal struggle as he suffered the loss of his father. He talked about how we all echo something back to the world. We all have bad things happen, and we all have the choice of what are we going to allow to bounce off of us and echo back to others. Matt talked about how this album is his response to that question. I love this particular song because it's such a beautiful surrender of everything. Much like Paul said in those verses above, this song poignantly portrays what it looks like to count everything as loss for the sake of knowing Christ. THAT'S what I want to echo back to the world from my own suffering. No matter what happens, even if every single thing is taken away, I will raise my empty hands and give God the glory. He gives and He takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. In fact, I believe that even if I were to stop sharing about His goodness in my life, someone else will step up in my place. He will make His glory known one way or the other. The cross will still speak, even if we do not. He desires to see all men come to know Him and have that soul-anchor of hope. I pray that we all find the courage to share our stories of His grace, mercy and goodness in our lives!
To wrap up this post, I want to share the final song that God brought to mind last night. Ultimately, the overarching theme not only of this post but of my entire life in this season, is that Jesus is enough. Oftentimes, I feel like we think of it in a negative light. Kind of a "well I guess I've lost everything (or God has taken everything) so I might as well pray" sort of attitude. At least, I know I've felt that way before. Somehow prayer becomes the last resort rather than the first gut instinct reaction to a difficult situation. But this last song is the exact opposite. I can't even listen to it without getting the biggest grin on my face. You see, when you have that hope-anchor for your soul, it's not a matter of "well, at least I've still got Jesus even if I've lost everything else," but rather, "I've got Jesus, how could I want more?!" He asked me at the beginning of this journey if I truly believed He was enough. I said yes then, although I had no idea what I was about to go through and how much that "yes" was going to be tested. But we're almost 8 months into the fiery furnace, and I still say yes! I'm undone by His mercy and goodness. He restores my soul and makes everything right again, even in the midst of so much wrong!
So if you're reading this and you're struggling to find your faith in the middle of unthinkable and overwhelming circumstances, call out to Him! Don't waste another minute striving in your own strength because it will all be in vain. You're not strong enough on your own, and you were never meant to carry your burdens alone. Allow Him to heal and restore your pain and brokenness and to break the chains of your past that are holding you back. Ask Him for discernment and guidance. And to my dear friend, if you're reading this (you know who you are!), please know that my prayers are with you. I love you and I'm so proud of your courage and the person that God is shaping you to be! Praise God that, like the song says, His love won't let us stay the same! Be bold and courageous and allow Him to anchor your soul and lead you through these storms. And when the time is right, just like we've talked about so many times these past few days, share your story!! God is going to redeem this pain and use you in mighty ways in the days, months and years to come! 💗💗
I Got Saved - Selah
There is a river of gladness
That pours from Emmanuel's veins
This sinner was plunged
Beneath the flood
And got saved
Since then I walk in forgiveness
All of my guilt was erased
The chains of the past
Are broken at last
I got saved
Oh, I got saved!
I'm undone by the mercy of Jesus
I'm undone by the goodness of the Lord
I'm restored and made right
He got a hold of my life
I've got Jesus
How could I want more?
I've received nothing but goodness
I've tested and tasted Your grace
I was so lost, 'til I fell at the cross
And got saved
Oh, I got saved!
I'm undone by the mercy of Jesus
I'm undone by the goodness of the Lord
I'm restored and made right
He got a hold of my life
I've got Jesus
How could I want more?!
The love of God
Gave me His pardon
The love of God
Won't let me stay the same
The love of God
Pulls me up higher
His will is stronger
That's why I got saved!
I'm undone by the mercy of Jesus
I'm undone by the goodness of the Lord
I'm restored and made right
He got a hold of my life
I've got Jesus
How could I want more?!
I'm undone by the mercy of Jesus
I'm undone by the goodness of the Lord
I'm restored and made right
He got a hold of my life
I've got Jesus
How could I want more?
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