Anyway, the song that "accidentally" came on is a newer one for me that I came across not long ago while looking for another song (Thanks, YouTube recommendations!). To help you fully understand why the song I'm about to share is so meaningful, let me just tell you about yesterday. Over these past few months since I've been on this grief journey, I've sort of categorized my days. There are ok days, pretty good days, rough days and "those" days. "Those" days are the absolute worst. "Those" days are when you just want to curl up into a ball and cease to exist. "Those" days are when the grief and overwhelm are so intense that you can't even tell which way is up. "Those" days the grief and pain threaten to swallow you completely. "Those" days make you feel like you are barely able to function even at a minimal level. "Those" days sometimes make you feel like giving up. Yesterday was one of "those" days. In case you haven't figured it out yet, here's a spoiler alert: this is going to be a really raw post. Consider yourself warned. 😉
So..."Those" days.
Sometimes "those" days can be enough to shake your faith, or at least to rock you to the core. A lot of people describe different parts of the grief journey as a feeling of drowning. I think it's such a fitting description. Take a moment and imagine you're at the beach. You're swimming and having a good time when all of a sudden a massive wave crashes over you from behind and the force of it knocks you off your feet. Then another wave comes and another after that. At this point, you're still underwater trying to figure out which way is up, trying desperately to find your footing, any footing, so that you can come up for air. If you don't know what you're standing on, you don't know which direction to go to get air. Scary, right? It can be a downright terrifying feeling. I can't think of a more fitting description for overwhelming grief. Yesterday, as I was experiencing one of "those" days, that's exactly what it felt like. Fast forward to this morning and the song that "accidentally" played...
My desperate feet
Come running to You, from shaky ground
Facing defeat
I am holding onto, Your promise now
Raise me up on eagle's wings
Give my soul Your bigger dreams
Breathe Your life into me
A battle cry is in my lungs
Singing out "Your kingdom come"
Fall in us, pour out Your love
I stand here, at Your feet
I'm laying down, the fear in me
And as Your child, claiming peace
Oh give this heart, Your victory
I stand here, I stand here
My weary bones
They come alive with, the sound of You
Restoring hope
In my anxious spirit, forever new
I stand here, at Your feet
I'm laying down, the fear in me
And as Your child, claiming peace
Oh give this heart, Your victory
I stand here, I stand here
In the middle of the overwhelm, it's really easy for fear to set in. You start to wonder, "Will I ever find a way up for air or is this where it all ends? Is there anything else to life, or is this overwhelming struggle my future?" When you're drowning, you're desperate for someone to throw you a lifeline, something to cling to, something to pull you from the swirling waters to safety. This is the moment when I thank God that I have my faith to cling to. Thank God that He is real and His promises are true when nothing else makes sense! Listening to that song this morning, tears rolled down my face. I love the declarations made. Holding onto His promises means the difference between hope and despair on "those" days. As I sat there with the visualization of drowning in the ocean trying desperately to find my footing and come up for air, hearing Hannah sing, "I stand here, at Your feet," changed my whole perspective. It doesn't matter where I am or how I feel. I can stand. It may feel impossible, but that's because I'm not standing on my own two feet. Even when I can't do that, I can stand on His promises. In those moments, that is the ONLY thing that is true. And as His child, I can claim peace, because He promises to give His children peace in the midst of trials. The ONLY One who can restore hope to my anxious spirit is Jesus. He is the only One who can make my weary bones come alive again. And He has promised to do just that.
So that got me thinking about what verses I might share with someone else who may find themselves in a place of struggle, drowning and overwhelm. I reached out to some friends to ask them what verses had ministered to them in their own personal struggles with child loss, and I was encouraged just reading things that had blessed others. I'd like to share a few of those verses and also a few songs below that minister to me when I'm overwhelmed.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Matthew 5:4
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that
the works of God might be displayed in him."
John 9:3
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11
He will swallow up death forever.
The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces...
Isaiah 25:8
I asked the Lord to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. Now I am giving him back to the Lord, and he shall belong to the Lord for all of his days.
1 Samuel 1:27-28
Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10
My friend Missy wrote, "Love this one .. when I don’t know how I’m going to make it through some days, this verse is like God saying to me.. “Relax Missy.. I got this.. I have your son Cody and you too and I will never let go and all will be ok!”
❤️❤️"
❤️❤️"
Jesus wept.
John 11:35
This verse refers to Jesus weeping over the death of his beloved friend Lazarus, whom He would raise from death a few days later. My friend Emily shared this verse and said, "This is the shortest verse in the Bible and the most comforting to me. If he could weep over someone he knew he was going to raise from the dead, then I know he is hurting for our losses that he isn’t going to raise. It truly brings so much comfort to my hurting heart."
Perhaps you haven't lost a child and have a hard time relating to the verses above. Or maybe you can relate somehow but feel guilty because what you have lost is not a child but someone or something else that was precious to you. I've talked to friends who have shared that they sometimes feel hesitant sharing things with me because they feel like what they're experiencing or maybe how they relate to something I've shared about my own journey isn't worthy to compare because they haven't lost a child. Nothing could be further from the truth. While it's true that there really is nothing else quite like losing your child, comparing loss/grief/struggles is never a good idea. Loss is a part of life. So is overwhelm. There are many ways we all experience them at some point (or several points) in life. The good news is that God's word is TRUTH, no matter the circumstance. I hope that the things I share about what God is teaching me in my own journey are encouraging to those who read what I write, even if they haven't lost a child of their own. With that said, here are some less-death specific verses and promises of God that we can cling to during hard times and overwhelm.
Hear my cry, O God;
listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you,
I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I.
Psalm 61:1-2
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.
It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain...
Hebrews 6:19
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-8
The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
2 Timothy 4:18
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
And He said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:21-23
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God,
to those who are called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38
This song is one of my favorites to sing quietly to my babies when they wake in the night. It's such a calming reminder of how truly wonderful it is to trust in Jesus and how He DOES prove Himself real in our lives over and over again when we are trusting Him to provide our every need.
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to take Him at His Word
Just to rest upon His promise,
Just to know, "Thus saith the Lord!"
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
Oh, for grace to trust Him more!
I'm so glad I learned to trust Him,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend
And I know that He is with me,
Will be with me to the end.
Oh, how sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just to trust His cleansing blood
And in simple faith to plunge me
'Neath the healing, cleansing flood!
Yes, 'tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.
This last song is one we chose to sing at Ellie's celebration of life service. It is an anthem that I always come back to in the hardest of times. Even when all seems lost and we don't know how to come up for air, His grace remains unchanging. And when I can't stand, I will cling to His promises and "wholly lean on Jesus' name." Like the classic song says, "The anchor holds, though the ship is battered. The anchor holds, though the sails are torn. I have fallen on my knees as I've faced the raging seas. But the anchor holds in spite of the storm." 💓
The Solid Rock - Charlie Hall
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness;
And I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' name
On Christ, the solid rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand
When darkness seems to hide His face
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale
My anchor holds within the veil
On Christ, the solid rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand
His oath, his covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way
He then is all my hope and stay
On Christ, the solid rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand
When he shall come with trumpet sound
O may I then in Him be found!
Dressed in his righteousness alone
Faultless to stand before the throne!
Faultless to stand before the throne!
Faultless to stand before the throne!
On Christ, the solid rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand
PS -
As I was finishing up my final thoughts for this post, the lyrics to the song, "The Anchor Holds," came to my mind, which I briefly mentioned above. I jumped on YouTube to try and find a recording that I could share as a link in case anyone was unfamiliar with it and wanted to give it a listen. I don't know about you, but I always thought Ray Boltz had written and recorded the song. I remember going to see Ray in concert with my mom as a kid. He did record it, but in my quick YouTube search, I came across this video of Lawrence Chewning, who was the original author of the song. Wow. I am so blown away right now. There really are no words to express how much this just ministered to me. Check out the story behind the song and see Lawrence perform it here:
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