Gracefully Broken: The Legacy of Ellie Love

This post is weighing very heavily on my heart. I have so many thoughts swirling in my head right now, but I trust that God will allow this to all come together in a way that makes sense. So here goes nothin'! Victor or victim? What a simple, yet loaded, question. Are we living as victors in Christ or as victims of our circumstances? This is something God has been speaking to my heart over the past several weeks. Because of our human nature, it's always easier to point the finger at everyone else and make ourselves feel like a victim. It's not fun to think about ways that we fall short or areas where we struggle. And what about the times when we actually are victims? No doubt about it, I am a victim of child loss. It is not something I chose for myself, and I would have done anything within my power to prevent it from happening to me. But it did happen. And for a long time, I felt like I was a victim of my circumstances and that so much of who I was at my core had been...

It has been quite a year! I've been pretty quiet on here this month because, honestly, I just wanted to keep my head down and get through it. We have a saying in our family "prepare for the worst but hope for the best." I think it actually came from the Message Bible paraphrase of Proverbs 21:31, which says "Do your best, prepare for the worst - then trust God to bring victory." In a phrase, that's pretty much how I have approached this month. There were so many significant dates to get through this month - Ellie's first birthday, the first anniversary of her death, Lizzie's due date, and the start of another holiday season. Truthfully, I didn't know what to expect emotionally for this month. It seems strange to say that God has brought victory, as in victory over what exactly? But I can honestly say that He has. I'd like to just hit a few of the highlights for you. Photo Credit: Callynth Photography I struggled a lot in October. Hi...

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. This is a day I didn't even realize was a thing prior to this year. With so many "awareness" days and months for various things throughout the year, it's hard to keep it all straight at times. There are a lot of different posts floating around out there, and honestly I didn't even plan to write a blog post today. But God has put something on my heart that I am compelled to share. First of all, why do we even have an "awareness day" for something as tragic as pregnancy and infant loss? It's still a taboo topic in most of society, yet one in four women will experience a pregnancy or infant loss in their lifetime. One in four. I'd be willing to bet there are not just a few but many women in your life that have experienced this type of loss and yet you aren't even aware. I know there are in mine. I've talked to so many women, friends, who've experienced this type of loss and...

Today I'm tired. Actually, most days I'm tired. The best visual of grief I've seen in a long time is the sculpture called "The Weight of Grief." Grieving a great loss is like walking around with a load of invisible rocks inside. You can feel them, and they are oh-so-heavy. But no one else really sees them. Oftentimes, people move at what seems like break-neck speeds all around me while I'm sitting here just trying to keep breathing and keep acting "normal." It takes a lot of energy most days to act normal. I don't talk about it a lot because I don't want to sound "whiney." It's not something to complain about, it's just something that is. I get frustrated with myself for even saying this because I know it totally sounds like a cop out, but I truly am doing the very best that I can.  I've been doing a lot of emotional work to try and relieve some of that emotional weight, but it's a slow process. If you intera...

I've been stewing on this one for over a week now. I thought several times along the way that it was time to sit down and write but then God said, "Nope." I'm always amazed at how He lets me know when it's time. When I think it's time and He says to wait, it never fails that there's something else He has to show me before it's time to write. This time was no exception. In my last post, I said I wanted to write a series of posts to try and shed some light on things that are helpful and not-so-helpful to do and say around your grieving friends. I'd like to continue that today with a biggie. Please, please, please, for the love of Pete (or anyone else you love 😉), do not say, "I totally understand," to anyone you know who is grieving, especially the loss of a child. Just don't do it. I don't care how much you think something you may have experienced in your life might be similar to losing a child. If you haven't lost a child,...