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The Story of Ellie Love

As I sit down to write, I’m not even sure where to begin. Eleanor “Ellie” Love Kropchuk was the most beautiful surprise. In March 2017, my husband Matthew and I were so excited to find out she was on the way to join big brother Timothy (3 years old) and big sister Caroline (20 months). Since I already have two children, pregnancy was nothing new for me. But Ellie was different. I won’t go into all the reasons why now, but even my doctor at one point commented as we laughed together about how active Ellie always was that this pregnancy was just different than the others. Around 7 months into my pregnancy, I felt led to create a playlist that I would listen to during my birthing time. If you know me, you probably know that I LOVE music. Always have. God often uses music to minster to me in very unique and specific ways. My favorite thing to do is throw a bunch of favorite songs into a playlist and then put it on shuffle because He always brings the exact songs I need in the mome...
Recent posts

Every Season

  It's hard to believe I haven't written in 9 months. There's been a lot going on behind the scenes that I just couldn't talk publicly about for a long time. It has been a difficult season of transition for myself and my family. Seasons. That word seems to be a recurring theme in my life here lately. As we're beginning to enjoy the first days of cooler weather here in East Texas, I'm reminded that, once again, we're entering a new season of life. Not just a physical, temporal season. I feel like I've also entered into a new season in my heart and in my journey. My story has been full of pain and heartbreak over the past few years. So many times, it has seemed like I just couldn't catch a break. Just when I'd begin to catch my breath, a new tragedy or difficult situation would present itself. You see, over this past year, I've been quietly going through a divorce. Divorce . It's not really a word that I thought would be a part of my story...

Firm Foundation

Pain. Stress. Loss. Loneliness. Strength. Courage. Faith. Hope. These words all describe the season of life I've been in lately. I have so much to say, yet there's been so much that I can't discuss publicly just yet. So I've been quiet. But I can't be quiet anymore. Nana and Pop In the last 5 months, I have lost 2 beloved grandparents. My Nana passed away in August after a long battle with cancer. Her husband, known to our family as Pop, followed behind her, pretty unexpectedly, just 8 weeks later. We expected Nana's death. I prepared for it, at least as much as one can prepare for death. Truthfully, I expected it to be harder than it was. I loved Nana deeply, and I miss her. But she had been sick for a very long time. In many ways, her death was a relief. Relief that she was no longer suffering. Relief that Pop and the rest of the family no longer had to watch her suffer. It was a totally different experience than Ellie's death. It felt natural....

Great Expectations

This post has been a long time coming. It seems that the more time that passes since Ellie's death, the more complicated grief becomes. In the early days, it was simple. AWFUL. HORRIBLE. EXCRUCIATING. But it was simple. I was 100% in fight or flight survival mode. Getting through each day was a moment by moment battle. As time passes, the intensity of the struggle diminishes, but the complexity increases. It has now been 18 months since Ellie's death and 1 year since Lizzie joined her in heaven. There's been a lot going on in my grief journey that simply hasn't been things I could write about publicly. But now I've got some thoughts weighing on me that I'd like to share. I feel like the Lord has given me some "universal themes," if you will, of this grief journey that I hope will be a blessing or encouragement to others. As you may know, music has always been a crucial part of my blog and grief journey, well actually just my life in general. It's...